I came across a prompt to write exactly 100 words based on the word “deny.” While pondering where to begin, I decided to read through the definitions of the word and came across: to refrain from satisfying oneself. What happens when we take that to the extreme? When we deny ourselves the very things we need to survive?
I in no way want to romanticize the severity of these struggles. While I have never suffered from an eating disorder, I understand the incredible societal pressures, especially on women, to fit a certain mold, to be viewed as attractive or “worthy.” This short piece explores the internal monologue that leads us into these unhealthy behaviors.
If you or anyone you know suffers from such a disorder, please know you are not alone. There are people out there who can help.
My mouth salivates as my stomach begs me to indulge. Food whispers to me, entices me with sweet aromas, beckons me with anxious hands until I could fall to my knees at its altar, but it tells me lies. It cannot make me beautiful, make me loved. The voices in my mind know the truth. Food will cling to me, weighing me down, suffocating my bones. I deny its pleas until I turn translucent like a flower petal, veins of blue adorning my skin. When there is nothing left but the essence of me, surely then I will be beautiful.
As always, critique and feedback are welcome. Thank you for reading.